Hey guys,
This blog is about finding your happy place whether it's a place that shows you the beauty in life or if it's in the arms of someone who makes you see the beauty in you.
Recently my happy place has been out there in the Forrest (nothing like the sun shining in between the trees and the dead pine needles underneath your feet) don't get me wrong I love being at home as the next person but for awhile now I don't know where home is, for a few years I been here there and everywhere living with parents and on my own
And for awhile I am settled, happy but then that feeling comes along
Where your looking for something that even you don't even know what it is but it's not where you are at that present time.
Since I was born my life had been "structed" as my dad would call it
I never had the freedom of making my own decisions ( a whole other story I'll get round to telling) or even the freedom of speech because of the the fear of being hurt emotionally or physically by my dad
So when i hit teenage hood I rebelled
I wanted the freedom my friends had but that was just out my reach
Then when my parents divorced I finally was given some freedom by my mum and for me it was like a drug once I had a little bit I wanted more and more
To the point where I was living a completely separate life to my mum
( she was discovering herself again after 26 years of abuse from my dad)
Eventually mine and my mums relationship completely broke down
And I was left homeless (yes I had the freedom I craved but I lost a sense of family)
Then as you can imagine I was from hostel to hostel so I got use to saying goodbye and starting over again
Now even though in back living with my mum ( were on good terms now but to me I still don't feel close to her like we use to be) I still get that voice inside my head saying don't get too settled you'll be saying goodbye soon ( I do think my mums still capable of kicking me out) but it's more the feeling of before that happens I find myself a new home.
The problem with that is even after years of feeling alone you never get use to it and even if you come to being use to it, it still gets you on the long, cold winter nights
So this brings me to finding your home in someone's arms
And I don't just mean living together
I mean when your with that person you feel sheltered and safe aswell as warm and free
I've had this with one girl my first girlfriend and if you read my previous blogs you'll know it didn't last long or end well
But that hasn't made me sceptical about finding or feeling love again
I did feel that begin again with a girl I was briefly seeing but we wanted different things and I wish her well with finding that person who's arms she can call home :)
What I've come to realise is aslong as there's sun shining on my skin and ground beneath my feet is i'll always find a way of making my way home where ever that is
Whether It's in love or out of it
So next time you ever feel lost
Think of your happy place and remember it doesn't have to be anywhere because it comes from with you
All my love
Emma
Xx
